then she told me this is why she is not interested in starting a new relationship with anyone just yet, because she is afraid to get close to anyone, this mirrors my own problem.

well the next day we were hanging out with friends, and one of our mutual friends decides to invite this other guy over, I guess to hook her up, but she doesn’t really like him like that. so it kind of made it uncomfortable for me.

i also offered to get her something from the carry out since she cant really afford to splurge and she refused.

but yet she wants to do things for me which I would feel guilty about. she even folds my clothes.

however when im alone with her she is very shy or distant. and its not like I just want to get in her pants, but I want to really connect mentally, I just have not told her yet.

well, yesterday I was really kind of low, because I miss my family and they are far away, and she asked me if I was ok, and I said no, but she left instead of talking to me ( I would have told her why, but I guess she is not ready for anything too heavy)

so today I know this guy was probably over to visit and hang out with her and another friend of ours, and who knows what he tried to convince her to do, I know if he was too fast it would probably have upset her at this point, and I don’t want to see anyone just use her. and yes im a little jealous and don’t like the fact that this other friend is putting pressure on her like that, I kind of get the feeling it has to do with the fact that this other friend wanted me at one time, but I never went after it. so that’s a whole other dynamic.

everything she told me she values is the same thing I value. we even have almost the same life story, its weird, but im so afraid to admit how I feel since I know she needs time to mend from her last relationship.

today I didn’t even get to talk to her, she was in her place but I didn’t even knock, its too late anyway.

should I keep my distance?

should I just tell her?

she keeps dropping little hints about things that are obviously meant to draw my attention, but then acts completely the opposite. on the one hand subtly welcoming and on the other she acts as if im strange.

at this point im really not sure what to do.

During these 4 years I tried to break it off, because he said from the beginning that we could not fall in love. I would try to break it off he would say “I’ll never find anyone like you, at least we have our memories”. He never listened and would keep calling, and I gave in because I really didn’t want to call it off.

Finally I found the words to say. I told him that Rick and I were happy. It was a lie because I love him. I knew it wouldn’t work because of the age difference. I broke it off in Feb., and he told me in April he was getting a divorce. Then in May he started seeing someone and moved right in with her. Tell me what’s going on here, I also need to know how I can get over him. I don’t think he can afford to live alone, and she does have a good job. I don’t know if he’s in love with her or not, or she with him.

You know what heals everything, peace….peace with the past so it doesnt spoil your present, all time really does is that it replace memories, you never really get over it, but you do get to the point where it doesnt bother you so much anymore.

Once you start creating new memories, you know you’re getting to that point. I Promise.

Bye bye my friend.